1. Communicate, communicate, and then communicate some more!

Both non-verbal and verbal communication is important when walking through a difficult time with your spouse. Both of us made an effort to pay attention as much as possible to each other’s non-verbal and verbal cues. This allowed the other to see what they might have been feeling truly mattered and that they can express how they were feeling. 

Text messages and emails can be beneficial if you don’t feel ready to say how you are feeling verbally.

It’s not wise to assume your spouse is mindful of how you feel. Articulate and be honest so that there are no gaps in communication.

2. Avoid blaming one another at all costs.

Blaming your spouse will not help the situation you’re facing. It will only exacerbate. Be kind towards one another. Your spouse is not your enemy.

Just because you don’t see tears, does not mean that your spouse doesn’t care. Do not make assumptions (refer to tip #1).

Remember you both are on the same team, so that means you work through this tragedy together.

3. Husbands, it’s okay to cry in front of your wife.

Society tells us that the man has to be strong all the time for their wife. This does not give the husband the freedom to grieve or be vulnerable. I knew my husband needed his time to grieve and needed an outlet. Being weak is okay and it does not define you as a man if you have to cry.

4. Wives, be there for your husband when he is feeling weak.

Ladies, if you see your man struggling, support him, encourage him, and let him know you are there for him. Just as much as you are hurting, he is hurting as well. Ask your friends if their husbands would be willing to reach out to your grieving husband. Oftentimes, men do not know what to say when they see their friend hurting. Sometimes just asking “how are you doing?” goes a long way in the eyes of a man. My husband appreciated it when his guy friends would check on him. It showed him that they cared.

5. Pray together and draw strength from God’s word.

There were days when reading through my bible was hard for me. The words within the pages just didn’t move me, but that didn’t mean that I should just stop reading it altogether. There were days my husband would read scripture to me and pray with me when I didn’t have the words to say. There could be days when one spouse is stronger than the other but it’s important to not leave each other behind on the journey. Pray together, maybe read the book of psalms together, read a bible devotional, listen to a sermon but most importantly, do it all together. You both are on this journey together. During such a tragedy, building each other up in the Lord is a must.  Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend”.

6. It’s okay to not have a schedule for the day.

Some of the best days we had were when we had no agenda. We just went with the flow and made decisions as the day went along. Some days we were an emotional mess and couldn’t even think about what we wanted to eat let alone if laundry needed to be done. It’s okay to not know and it’s also okay to do nothing. Don’t put unnecessary stress on yourself. Sometimes those days may be days you cry and watch television all day. Friends, that is okay!

7. Read a book or two.

Add to your already scripture reading another book. We are not the only ones that have ever walked through tragedy. Many have and also written books detailing their story in hopes of encouraging their readers. Though these books may not take away the tragedy you’re suffering through and its effects, reading books together can be a great source of encouragement.

8. Get out of the house.

For many, isolation is often by default what we revert to in times of great distress. Sometimes when we’re at home for so long of a period, the walls can feel like they are caving in on us. A great way to relieve some of that stress is to get out of the house. For you, this could look like simply getting some fresh air or maybe a walk around the neighborhood. Whatever it might be, sometimes a change in scenery can be most beneficial. 

9. Consider counseling.

It never hurts to have a third party that can provide a different and helpful perspective.  A counselor can help translate into words what you are feeling in a different way. It was one of the best decisions we made for our marriage after losing our two precious baby boys.

 

The road to healing can be long and quite difficult. Being proactive to assure that your marriage stays intact along with your mental, emotional, and physical health is paramount.